Sometimes, taking a step back from sports is a good thing

This fall, our youngest son decided not to play football. Considering he had practically grown up at the junior football field -- he'd been going there since he was 2 years old and in a stroller, when we were taking his older brothers to practice -- it was a pretty significant decision on his part.

He opted not to play because he wasn't sure how much playing time he'd get, and he knew he'd be miserable if he didn't play much. Now, he's a decent athlete, if not exceptional, and, for all we know, he might have gotten plenty of playing time. But there was also a chance he might not have, and since he's had issues with losing his temper when he's frustrated on the sports field, my wife and I were proud of him for making what we saw as a mature decision.

The thing for him was, he had to develop a new identity. From the time he was 6 years old, and playing flag football, he was always a football player. And he came from a family of football players, so that's how everyone saw him. This year, he had to figure out what he was going to be and how he would spend his time without football.

The good news is, he adjusted just fine. He did miss the game, we're sure, but observing him closely, it doesn't seem like he missed it all that much. Not playing football allowed him the chance to do some other stuff he wouldn't have been able to do otherwise, like playing on a fall lacrosse team, and playing basketball in the fall open gyms that were offered at the same time as football practice. Perhaps best of all, not spending so much time at the football field allowed him to spend more time with some of his friends who don't play football. And he even made a couple of new, non-football-playing friends at the middle school.

Unfortunately, he didn't make the travel basketball team. He had invested a lot of time in the summer and fall working on his skills and his game to get ready for the tryouts, and he really had hoped against hope he'd make it this year. But while he clearly was disappointed, he doesn't seem devastated. He was happy with the way he played at the tryouts, and knows he did the best he could. Disappointment is part of life, and he's handling it well. It's almost as if he's realizing that there's more to life than being on a sports team.

Now, I'm not suggesting he's better off without sports, or anything -- we're a sports-loving family, and he's a sports-loving kid -- and all indications are that he'll return to football someday, whether it's next fall, or perhaps in high school. If that happens, it'll be great, but for right now, this time off from football seems to be teaching him that his self worth doesn't have to be attached to his identity as "an athlete.'' He can just be a nice kid who is a good friend, a good student, and one who is pretty good at sports. He's learned a lot of life lessons from sports, and now maybe he's learning one more: How to put things in perspective.