One of the best things about living in a smaller town, or going to a small school, is that often it means more opportunities to do things, especially from an athletic standpoint. A big town/school may provide more opportunity in that it may offer more sports sometimes, but a smaller town/school most likely will have less competition for playing time in the sports that are offered.
In high school, that means a good athlete may be able to play three different varsity sports over the course of a school year, something the best athletes routinely did when I went to school.
But these days, playing three sports in high school is not always easy, and it's often not as glamorous as it sounds.
In our town, the high school football team begins practice the day after the championship games for the spring seasons, meaning practice for the fall season begins before the previous school year is over and runs throughout the summer. By the time the football season ends, the players have been going at it very hard for half the year, and their bodies and minds are tired. The idea of rolling directly from a fall sport right into a winter sport without a break in between can be daunting -- and even more daunting if the athlete knows he or she will later have to roll right from the winter sport into a spring sport.
When is there an opportunity to rest? When is there an opportunity to do something other than play a sport?
My son the freshman just wrapped up a very enjoyable football season and is currently in a one-week dead period before he starts wrestling practice next Monday. A month ago, he wasn't sure he wanted to wrestle; he was thinking he'd just work out over the winter, train and get ready for lacrosse season in the spring. He'd tried boxing a couple years ago and liked it (it was actually more training than real boxing) and he thought he'd like to do that again this winter.
But, of course, the wrestling coach was disappointed to hear that. And the football coaches gave him a hard time about it, too. They all acknowledged that giving maximum effort for three hours a day, six days a week at football practice takes a lot out of a person. None of them suggested wrestling would take up less time, or require less effort.
My wife and I told him we supported whatever decision he made, but both of us figured he'd probably end up wrestling. Last week he decided to take the plunge. He said he had changed his mind and now wanted to do it; he said he thought he'd give it a shot freshman year and see how it goes.
Personally, I kind of wish he would have taken the winter off. As much as I advocate kids playing multiple sports when they're younger, as they get older the commitment level for all of the sports keeps getting higher and higher. At some point, I think giving the necessary commitment to three different sports is too much for most people.
There's much more to life than playing sports. But when you're a three-sport athlete in high school, there isn't enough time for much else.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Sometimes, taking a step back from sports is a good thing
This fall, our youngest son decided not to play football. Considering he had practically grown up at the junior football field -- he'd been going there since he was 2 years old and in a stroller, when we were taking his older brothers to practice -- it was a pretty significant decision on his part.
He opted not to play because he wasn't sure how much playing time he'd get, and he knew he'd be miserable if he didn't play much. Now, he's a decent athlete, if not exceptional, and, for all we know, he might have gotten plenty of playing time. But there was also a chance he might not have, and since he's had issues with losing his temper when he's frustrated on the sports field, my wife and I were proud of him for making what we saw as a mature decision.
The thing for him was, he had to develop a new identity. From the time he was 6 years old, and playing flag football, he was always a football player. And he came from a family of football players, so that's how everyone saw him. This year, he had to figure out what he was going to be and how he would spend his time without football.
The good news is, he adjusted just fine. He did miss the game, we're sure, but observing him closely, it doesn't seem like he missed it all that much. Not playing football allowed him the chance to do some other stuff he wouldn't have been able to do otherwise, like playing on a fall lacrosse team, and playing basketball in the fall open gyms that were offered at the same time as football practice. Perhaps best of all, not spending so much time at the football field allowed him to spend more time with some of his friends who don't play football. And he even made a couple of new, non-football-playing friends at the middle school.
Unfortunately, he didn't make the travel basketball team. He had invested a lot of time in the summer and fall working on his skills and his game to get ready for the tryouts, and he really had hoped against hope he'd make it this year. But while he clearly was disappointed, he doesn't seem devastated. He was happy with the way he played at the tryouts, and knows he did the best he could. Disappointment is part of life, and he's handling it well. It's almost as if he's realizing that there's more to life than being on a sports team.
Now, I'm not suggesting he's better off without sports, or anything -- we're a sports-loving family, and he's a sports-loving kid -- and all indications are that he'll return to football someday, whether it's next fall, or perhaps in high school. If that happens, it'll be great, but for right now, this time off from football seems to be teaching him that his self worth doesn't have to be attached to his identity as "an athlete.'' He can just be a nice kid who is a good friend, a good student, and one who is pretty good at sports. He's learned a lot of life lessons from sports, and now maybe he's learning one more: How to put things in perspective.
He opted not to play because he wasn't sure how much playing time he'd get, and he knew he'd be miserable if he didn't play much. Now, he's a decent athlete, if not exceptional, and, for all we know, he might have gotten plenty of playing time. But there was also a chance he might not have, and since he's had issues with losing his temper when he's frustrated on the sports field, my wife and I were proud of him for making what we saw as a mature decision.
The thing for him was, he had to develop a new identity. From the time he was 6 years old, and playing flag football, he was always a football player. And he came from a family of football players, so that's how everyone saw him. This year, he had to figure out what he was going to be and how he would spend his time without football.
The good news is, he adjusted just fine. He did miss the game, we're sure, but observing him closely, it doesn't seem like he missed it all that much. Not playing football allowed him the chance to do some other stuff he wouldn't have been able to do otherwise, like playing on a fall lacrosse team, and playing basketball in the fall open gyms that were offered at the same time as football practice. Perhaps best of all, not spending so much time at the football field allowed him to spend more time with some of his friends who don't play football. And he even made a couple of new, non-football-playing friends at the middle school.
Unfortunately, he didn't make the travel basketball team. He had invested a lot of time in the summer and fall working on his skills and his game to get ready for the tryouts, and he really had hoped against hope he'd make it this year. But while he clearly was disappointed, he doesn't seem devastated. He was happy with the way he played at the tryouts, and knows he did the best he could. Disappointment is part of life, and he's handling it well. It's almost as if he's realizing that there's more to life than being on a sports team.
Now, I'm not suggesting he's better off without sports, or anything -- we're a sports-loving family, and he's a sports-loving kid -- and all indications are that he'll return to football someday, whether it's next fall, or perhaps in high school. If that happens, it'll be great, but for right now, this time off from football seems to be teaching him that his self worth doesn't have to be attached to his identity as "an athlete.'' He can just be a nice kid who is a good friend, a good student, and one who is pretty good at sports. He's learned a lot of life lessons from sports, and now maybe he's learning one more: How to put things in perspective.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Folks: Please don't yell at the quarterback
It's different when your kid's the quarterback.
My son is enjoying his first taste of high school football this fall. He's on the freshman team, and after spending most his time in junior football as a quarterback, he's having great success on the field as a receiver, defensive back and punter.
I've never seen him so happy. He's happy with his role on the team, happy being with his teammates both at and away from the field, and in the bigger picture, he appears to be making a smooth overall transition from middle school to high school. As far as football is concerned, he doesn't seem to miss being the quarterback at all (he still is the backup), and it looks now as if not being the quarterback is the best thing that could have happened to him.
The quarterback position is unlike any other in team sports. At every football game, all eyes are on the quarterback, and rightly or wrongly, the quarterback usually gets a disproportionate share of the credit or blame for the team's success -- or lack thereof. Of course, being selected to play the position is an honor, as it means the coach is counting on you to do a lot for the team. But sometimes it seems it might just be more fun to play a position with less pressure attached to it.
The boy who is playing quarterback for the freshman team is a great kid -- and a great quarterback and athlete. He and my son have played football together since the second grade, and while they don't hang out together away from the field, they do like and have a tremendous amount of respect for each other. They share the same values as far as desire to win, work ethic, etc., and I view them almost as partners dedicated to working together to help the team win. I've been friendly with the boy's dad since our sons were on that second grade team together.
The boy's older brother is the varsity quarterback, and sometimes I feel bad for their parents at games. Not the freshman games, so much, but the varsity games can be brutal. At a recent varsity game, the older brother was struggling some, and I was disappointed to hear parents in the stands yelling at him. On one play, the mother of another player screamed at the quarterback, yelling frantically at him to throw the ball as the defense closed in him. When he did, and the pass was incomplete, the mother yelled at him again, shouting, "Who are you throwing it to?!''
The following game, another parent approached the quarterback's dad and their conversation -- about football -- became so heated that they had to be separated by a third man.
My first thought, when I saw the one incident and heard about the other, was: What the heck is wrong with people, yelling at high school kids?
My next thought was this: If this is what happens when your kid is the quarterback, I'm glad my son isn't the quarterback.
My son is enjoying his first taste of high school football this fall. He's on the freshman team, and after spending most his time in junior football as a quarterback, he's having great success on the field as a receiver, defensive back and punter.
I've never seen him so happy. He's happy with his role on the team, happy being with his teammates both at and away from the field, and in the bigger picture, he appears to be making a smooth overall transition from middle school to high school. As far as football is concerned, he doesn't seem to miss being the quarterback at all (he still is the backup), and it looks now as if not being the quarterback is the best thing that could have happened to him.
The quarterback position is unlike any other in team sports. At every football game, all eyes are on the quarterback, and rightly or wrongly, the quarterback usually gets a disproportionate share of the credit or blame for the team's success -- or lack thereof. Of course, being selected to play the position is an honor, as it means the coach is counting on you to do a lot for the team. But sometimes it seems it might just be more fun to play a position with less pressure attached to it.
The boy who is playing quarterback for the freshman team is a great kid -- and a great quarterback and athlete. He and my son have played football together since the second grade, and while they don't hang out together away from the field, they do like and have a tremendous amount of respect for each other. They share the same values as far as desire to win, work ethic, etc., and I view them almost as partners dedicated to working together to help the team win. I've been friendly with the boy's dad since our sons were on that second grade team together.
The boy's older brother is the varsity quarterback, and sometimes I feel bad for their parents at games. Not the freshman games, so much, but the varsity games can be brutal. At a recent varsity game, the older brother was struggling some, and I was disappointed to hear parents in the stands yelling at him. On one play, the mother of another player screamed at the quarterback, yelling frantically at him to throw the ball as the defense closed in him. When he did, and the pass was incomplete, the mother yelled at him again, shouting, "Who are you throwing it to?!''
The following game, another parent approached the quarterback's dad and their conversation -- about football -- became so heated that they had to be separated by a third man.
My first thought, when I saw the one incident and heard about the other, was: What the heck is wrong with people, yelling at high school kids?
My next thought was this: If this is what happens when your kid is the quarterback, I'm glad my son isn't the quarterback.
Friday, October 7, 2016
Hey coaches, let's try to develop ALL the kids
The older my kids get, and the more sports I watch at higher age levels, the more convinced I become that too many youth team coaches are focusing too much on winning and not enough on player development.
My oldest son played lacrosse on the high school junior varsity team last spring. He was one of a handful of sophomores on a team that was mostly made up of freshmen -- freshmen who had won a lot of games on their eighth grade team the year before and throughout their youth careers. However, those freshmen were in an unfamiliar position, as the best player on all those youth teams wasn't with them anymore; he was good enough that he made the varsity. And while that was great for him, what it meant for his classmates was that, for the first time, they were going to have to learn how to play without him.
It took them a while.
The team started off losing a bunch of games -- including some they were expected to win easily -- and morale was low. Eventually, things did turn around, though. The goalie started making some big saves and getting more and more confident, and little by little, the kids began to move the ball around more, started scoring some goals, and began winning some games. They ended up winning about as many games as they lost, and, overall, it was a good year.
Maybe, from a wins-and-losses standpoint, it wasn't the kind of year the freshmen were used to having, perhaps. But the truth is, they all got better, which is the whole idea of a JV team. Because instead of putting all their efforts into working hard to win possession of the ball and then immediately giving it to their star player, the freshmen had to learn to trust other people and trust themselves to make positive plays. There were plenty of other good players in the group -- some of them sophomores, who the freshmen had to get to know -- and those kids stepped up. And the ones who didn't consider themselves stars eventually began to try things they hadn't had to do before, which ultimately expanded their own games, making them better players and better prospects for future varsity action.
Which once again illustrates the point I keep coming back to: That everything below the varsity level ought to be developmental -- and helping every player become the best player he or she can be is what youth coaches should be making their priority. Yes, winning games is important, because you do want to develop players who understand the difference between playing a sport and playing to win -- understand that there is a level of effort and sacrifice required of players if they want to win.
My oldest son played lacrosse on the high school junior varsity team last spring. He was one of a handful of sophomores on a team that was mostly made up of freshmen -- freshmen who had won a lot of games on their eighth grade team the year before and throughout their youth careers. However, those freshmen were in an unfamiliar position, as the best player on all those youth teams wasn't with them anymore; he was good enough that he made the varsity. And while that was great for him, what it meant for his classmates was that, for the first time, they were going to have to learn how to play without him.
It took them a while.
The team started off losing a bunch of games -- including some they were expected to win easily -- and morale was low. Eventually, things did turn around, though. The goalie started making some big saves and getting more and more confident, and little by little, the kids began to move the ball around more, started scoring some goals, and began winning some games. They ended up winning about as many games as they lost, and, overall, it was a good year.
Maybe, from a wins-and-losses standpoint, it wasn't the kind of year the freshmen were used to having, perhaps. But the truth is, they all got better, which is the whole idea of a JV team. Because instead of putting all their efforts into working hard to win possession of the ball and then immediately giving it to their star player, the freshmen had to learn to trust other people and trust themselves to make positive plays. There were plenty of other good players in the group -- some of them sophomores, who the freshmen had to get to know -- and those kids stepped up. And the ones who didn't consider themselves stars eventually began to try things they hadn't had to do before, which ultimately expanded their own games, making them better players and better prospects for future varsity action.
Which once again illustrates the point I keep coming back to: That everything below the varsity level ought to be developmental -- and helping every player become the best player he or she can be is what youth coaches should be making their priority. Yes, winning games is important, because you do want to develop players who understand the difference between playing a sport and playing to win -- understand that there is a level of effort and sacrifice required of players if they want to win.
But from a coaching standpoint, it shouldn't be strictly about winning. And all sub-varsity coaches, and especially all youth coaches, need to realize they need to help kids grow as players and teach them to play the game the right way. If you do that, then the winning will surely follow.
Friday, April 8, 2016
The best thing about sports isn't winning trophies
About three weeks ago, I experienced one of those perfect days that reminded me of what the youth sports experience is supposed to be all about. It was a weekend that saw the finish of our rec basketball season and the start of our youth lacrosse season, and my biggest takeaway from the weekend was that the fun of sports isn't always tied to winning.
That Saturday, my youngest son was excited because his basketball team had a semifinal game in the morning, and if his team won, it would play in the final in the afternoon. A last-minute lacrosse practice was scheduled for later in the afternoon, so a perfect day would involve two basketball games, followed by a quick change out of his sneakers and into his cleats for lax practice. And that's what happened. His team won the semifinal in a close game, and advanced to the final, where he got to guard one of his very good friends, who plays lacrosse with him.
His team lost the final, but there was no time to feel bad. He and his friend left the gym, raced over to the field for practice, and afterward, his friend invited him over to his house to play. This is a boy who doesn't go to his school, and if they didn't play lacrosse together, they wouldn't even know one another.
My other son also had lacrosse practice that afternoon. And he also ended up hanging out with one of his teammates after practice. In his case, this particular teammate is an old friend, going all the way back to pre-school. They went to different grammar schools, so they grew up in different circles, and though they go to middle school together now, they don't hang out with each other most of the year. But in the spring, during lacrosse season, they're the best of friends.
That day, I was reminded that, for a young athlete, it's not the wins, or the trophies, or even all those life lessons sports provide that are the best reasons to play.
It's the friendships they make.
That Saturday, my youngest son was excited because his basketball team had a semifinal game in the morning, and if his team won, it would play in the final in the afternoon. A last-minute lacrosse practice was scheduled for later in the afternoon, so a perfect day would involve two basketball games, followed by a quick change out of his sneakers and into his cleats for lax practice. And that's what happened. His team won the semifinal in a close game, and advanced to the final, where he got to guard one of his very good friends, who plays lacrosse with him.
His team lost the final, but there was no time to feel bad. He and his friend left the gym, raced over to the field for practice, and afterward, his friend invited him over to his house to play. This is a boy who doesn't go to his school, and if they didn't play lacrosse together, they wouldn't even know one another.
My other son also had lacrosse practice that afternoon. And he also ended up hanging out with one of his teammates after practice. In his case, this particular teammate is an old friend, going all the way back to pre-school. They went to different grammar schools, so they grew up in different circles, and though they go to middle school together now, they don't hang out with each other most of the year. But in the spring, during lacrosse season, they're the best of friends.
That day, I was reminded that, for a young athlete, it's not the wins, or the trophies, or even all those life lessons sports provide that are the best reasons to play.
It's the friendships they make.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Filling the void after football
My son had his annual physical last week. Everything went well, except that his doctor was somewhat alarmed by how much weight he had put on since his last checkup.
My son is 15, a sophomore in high school, and still growing. According to the doctor, he'd grown an inch-and-a-half in the past year, but the nearly 30 pounds he'd put on were much more than he should have. I told the doctor that my son had stopped playing football over the past year, and he agreed that that was probably the reason for the excessive weight gain.
That made me think about a conversation I'd had with another parent a week or so earlier. This particular mom works at a local hospital, and, like my wife and I, she has three sons, two of whom play football. As a medical professional, she believes that while there's obviously an injury risk from playing a contact sport like football, there's a bigger risk in your child doing nothing. My son's physical brought home to me exactly what she was talking about.
Playing sports offers countless benefits to kids, but the biggest and most immediate is the exercise it provides them. Your kid can get exercise playing all kinds of sports or doing other physical activities, but while other sports might carry a slightly less risk of injury (no sport carries zero risk of injury) football offers a highly structured activity that keeps minds and bodies sharp. And if your son (or daughter) likes it and is engaged, the benefits are great.
My son is 15, a sophomore in high school, and still growing. According to the doctor, he'd grown an inch-and-a-half in the past year, but the nearly 30 pounds he'd put on were much more than he should have. I told the doctor that my son had stopped playing football over the past year, and he agreed that that was probably the reason for the excessive weight gain.
That made me think about a conversation I'd had with another parent a week or so earlier. This particular mom works at a local hospital, and, like my wife and I, she has three sons, two of whom play football. As a medical professional, she believes that while there's obviously an injury risk from playing a contact sport like football, there's a bigger risk in your child doing nothing. My son's physical brought home to me exactly what she was talking about.
Playing sports offers countless benefits to kids, but the biggest and most immediate is the exercise it provides them. Your kid can get exercise playing all kinds of sports or doing other physical activities, but while other sports might carry a slightly less risk of injury (no sport carries zero risk of injury) football offers a highly structured activity that keeps minds and bodies sharp. And if your son (or daughter) likes it and is engaged, the benefits are great.
All three of my sons started playing tackle football in second grade. The oldest was decidedly unathletic and wasn't very good at the sport, but being part of a team was good for him. He made a few friends and he thrived on the routine the sport provided -- practice three or four evenings a week, and a game on the weekend. He would get home from school, do his homework, get something light to eat and go to practice. Everything made so much sense.
When the season ended, it would always be a struggle to fill his time productively. Playing recreational basketball in the winter wasn't the same thing, but it was okay to take it easy until spring, when he could get outside again. In high school, football gave him something to do all summer and all fall. Practicing and lifting weights with the team built a solid body for him and gave him a support system of sorts as he tackled the challenges of freshman year.
Ultimately, he wasn't a good enough athlete or player to continue playing the game, and so he stopped. But after all those years playing football, suddenly there was this huge void that nothing seemed able to fill. He played rec soccer in the fall, which was fun and a good experience, but with one practice a week and a game on the weekend, it wasn't really enough to keep him in shape. He's spent way too much time playing video games, and I didn't notice it until his physical, but over the last few months his body got soft.
So now, my wife and I are trying to figure out how we can help him. We're hoping he gets a job this summer and we're thinking about finding a gym for him to join. This spring, he's playing lacrosse, which he enjoys and which will fill his time and get him in shape again. But then we've got to figure out what to do when that season ends. We don't need him going back to football. We need him to find something that can take its place.
When the season ended, it would always be a struggle to fill his time productively. Playing recreational basketball in the winter wasn't the same thing, but it was okay to take it easy until spring, when he could get outside again. In high school, football gave him something to do all summer and all fall. Practicing and lifting weights with the team built a solid body for him and gave him a support system of sorts as he tackled the challenges of freshman year.
Ultimately, he wasn't a good enough athlete or player to continue playing the game, and so he stopped. But after all those years playing football, suddenly there was this huge void that nothing seemed able to fill. He played rec soccer in the fall, which was fun and a good experience, but with one practice a week and a game on the weekend, it wasn't really enough to keep him in shape. He's spent way too much time playing video games, and I didn't notice it until his physical, but over the last few months his body got soft.
So now, my wife and I are trying to figure out how we can help him. We're hoping he gets a job this summer and we're thinking about finding a gym for him to join. This spring, he's playing lacrosse, which he enjoys and which will fill his time and get him in shape again. But then we've got to figure out what to do when that season ends. We don't need him going back to football. We need him to find something that can take its place.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Grappling with new experiences
My son is trying wrestling this winter.
It's a new experience for him, and for our whole family, and we're looking forward to it. Kind of.
Performance-wise, I expect he'll do okay. He's athletic -- quick and strong, with good body control. Plus, he's coachable and hard-working, a fast learner who's smart, resourceful, and competitive. I anticipate he'll win some and lose some, and that'll be okay. I do worry about the mental aspect of the sport: how will he handle the pressure of being out on the mat by himself against another kid, with everyone watching? What will happen when he loses? What will happen when he loses badly?
Ultimately, I think he'll be mentally strong enough to handle losing. He won't like it, of course, but I think he'll be able to get over it, learn from it, and generally keep it in the proper perspective. He seems to enjoy the practices, so I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. I wouldn't even doubt if he ends up liking the sport a lot and decides to stay with it after this season.
It's me I wonder about.
Wrestling's different than anything our children have been involved with to this point. My wife and I support all our children and we love to see them playing and having fun, but we've heard all kinds of stories about wrestling -- about how the meets last all day, and how the parents can get crazy as they yell and scream, and all kinds of stuff like that. The thought of watching our son out there competing against some other kid and hearing people scream stuff that might make us feel uncomfortable makes us, well, a little uneasy.
It's a new experience for him, and for our whole family, and we're looking forward to it. Kind of.
Performance-wise, I expect he'll do okay. He's athletic -- quick and strong, with good body control. Plus, he's coachable and hard-working, a fast learner who's smart, resourceful, and competitive. I anticipate he'll win some and lose some, and that'll be okay. I do worry about the mental aspect of the sport: how will he handle the pressure of being out on the mat by himself against another kid, with everyone watching? What will happen when he loses? What will happen when he loses badly?
Ultimately, I think he'll be mentally strong enough to handle losing. He won't like it, of course, but I think he'll be able to get over it, learn from it, and generally keep it in the proper perspective. He seems to enjoy the practices, so I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. I wouldn't even doubt if he ends up liking the sport a lot and decides to stay with it after this season.
It's me I wonder about.
Wrestling's different than anything our children have been involved with to this point. My wife and I support all our children and we love to see them playing and having fun, but we've heard all kinds of stories about wrestling -- about how the meets last all day, and how the parents can get crazy as they yell and scream, and all kinds of stuff like that. The thought of watching our son out there competing against some other kid and hearing people scream stuff that might make us feel uncomfortable makes us, well, a little uneasy.
But we're diving in. Our son seems excited to be learning the sport, and he seems happy to be hanging with his friends who are on the team. All the coaches are really passionate and positive about the sport, and they keep asking me if he likes it so far. They seem so hopeful that he will.
There's a lot to be said for a sport that makes people feel that much love for it. I look forward to learning more about why these guys feel that way.
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