I am watching, for the second time, a coach drive my son away from a sport he loves.
This time, it is basketball, a sport that my son has loved more than anything else over the last four or so years. Yesterday, he told me he doesn't like the sport at all.
I don't believe that, of course. He's 14, and his heart has been broken. Surely, it will be broken a few more times in his lifetime. He'll get over this and be fine. As a matter of fact, I'm sure he'll get over it before I will.
The story isn't special. My son isn't getting the playing time he believes he deserves on the freshman team at our high school. That's certainly not uncommon. Lots of kids, in every sport, and at all levels, think they should play more than they do. Most of them are not as good as they think they are, but sometimes the kids are right, and they really are getting screwed.
My son certainly is.
Yes, he's my son, so it's impossible for me to be objective here. I acknowledge that. But I'm not just any other loving, overprotective dad. I'm a professional sportswriter, which means my job for the last 30-plus years has centered around watching athletes perform, comparing athletes to other athletes, and making judgments based on my observations. So while I can't claim to be totally objective, my professional training and experience allows me to say, confidently, and without qualification, that my son is one of the team's better players.
In the game I saw last week, the team outscored its opponent by 11 points in the time when my son was in the game. Early in the second half, he came in with the team down 11, and when he came out, they were down by one. He came back in the fourth quarter, with the team down four, and came out about a minute later, with the team still down four, and four minutes to play. They lost the game by 12.
The next game, he played about three minutes.
To be sure, he hasn't played a mistake-free season. And he hasn't made every shot he's taken. My wife and I implored him to speak to the coach, face-to-face, and ask what he may be doing wrong, and what he needs to do better. But he's not interested. He's done the mental calculation and has decided it makes more sense to simply check out. At this point, he'll most likely finish the season, and he'll still show up to practice and work hard for the 90 minutes or whatever that he's there. He'll play tough defense when he gets in the game, because that's just who he is. And if he can cut to the basket for a backdoor layup now and again, he'll do that.
But he's no longer emotionally invested in the team. And as far as anything extra, like, "optional shooting practice,'' well, that's over.
Four years ago, it was a junior football coach who drove him away. Looking back on that, my wife and I always believed he'd return to football when he got to high school. And last fall, he did, and I've never seen him happier. He reconnected with friends he'd drifted away from, and by midseason, he was starting at receiver and defensive back on the freshman team. He ended up leading the team in receptions for the season, and his success on the field seemingly vindicated his decision to walk away from the game when he did. A good football experience made everything in his life seem better. He even started getting along with his older brother -- probably for the first time in their lives.
Now he's getting ready to walk away from a second sport. But it's easier this time. As sad, angry and confused as he was -- and my wife and I were -- the last week or so, we're already beginning to look ahead. The good thing about his current situation is that it'll be easier for him to play basketball somewhere next winter than it was to play football three years ago. Next winter, he'll play CYO basketball, or maybe he'll go back to his old club. Basketball will be fun again.
I'm looking forward to that.
Thursday, January 23, 2020
Thursday, December 12, 2019
So your kid wants to play in college? Well, it won't be easy
It's been a really good few months for our family, especially as it regards the kids' sporting events. The latest highlight came earlier this week, when our middle son accepted an offer to play college lacrosse at a nearby Division II school. The quest to play a sport in college did not go the way we expected it to, but, for him -- and our family -- it ultimately worked out great.
Our son was always a really good athlete. Twenty months younger than his older brother, our second son learned much from playing with his brother and his brother's friends when they were little. He always seemed prepared for every next step -- whether it was Preschool, or Kindergarten; Tee ball, or PeeWee football; middle school, high school, etc. -- because he had watched, from up close, his brother going through every event. And he knew, going in, what to expect when it was his turn.
Anyway, his mother and I knew, from the first summer we saw him play club lacrosse, that he would be good enough to play in college if everything played out normally. As a 12 year-old going to tournaments, we knew the kids he was playing with and against were going to be the ones who would be playing college in a few years. So when we saw him keeping up with them, and even excelling, we knew that as long as he grew normally, didn't suffer any catastrophic injuries, and didn't somehow lose his love for the game, he could play beyond high school.
He was always a key player on his club teams, and he performed well at whatever Prospect Days and showcases we took him to. But he was never big for his age, or super fast. And as such, he was never the kind of kid who jumped out at you the instant you watched a game. He was always more of a smart player who did a bunch of little things that helped the team, but might go unnoticed by the casual observer. He kind of needed to be seen over time to be appreciated.
We did all the things we were supposed to -- identifying schools we thought he might be interested in, and emailing those coaches early in his high school career, to get him on their radar. He went to those schools' Prospect Days. But the one coach who genuinely seemed interested in learning about him early ended up leaving the school suddenly -- for reasons we never found out. The new coach at that school was polite, but never seemed truly interested. And neither, it turned out, were the coaches at other schools we targeted.
What we came to realize, almost too late, was that the whole thing is a lot harder if your child has a specialty major, one that isn't offered at every school. He would have had lots of options if he intended to major in Liberal Arts or Business, probably. Engineering, though, turned out to be trickier. It seemed the schools that liked him as a player didn't offer his major; and the schools that did offer his major had their pick of a lot of kids, just like him. For them, it was a supply-and-demand thing.
A couple months ago, I ran into the dad of one of his classmates who had discovered the same problem we had. His son was a baseball player who, like my son, wanted to study engineering. But despite being a good player on high-level club teams that went to top-end showcase tournaments, and despite performing well to all these big-time individual showcase events, finding a place where he could get the education he wanted, and play baseball, was proving difficult.
A few weeks ago I ran into the dad's son. He said he had zeroed in on an excellent school a few hours away, but when he realized there were going to be eight players at his position (he's a catcher) he gave up the chase. His plan now is to go to a big school, and maybe play club baseball there.
My son was luckier. In chatting with the father of one of his club teammates at the last tournament this summer, I learned that father had gone to a well-respected engineering school nearby that hadn't been on my son's original list. Part of the reason we didn't consider it was that it was a Division II school, and we had been focusing more on the Division III level. Anyway, my son sent them a highlight video from the summer and they liked it and responded immediately. We struck up a dialogue and, long story short, they turned out to be very interested and ultimately offered him a spot on their team.
So all's well that ends well. It for sure ended well for him. But it certainly wasn't easy.
Our son was always a really good athlete. Twenty months younger than his older brother, our second son learned much from playing with his brother and his brother's friends when they were little. He always seemed prepared for every next step -- whether it was Preschool, or Kindergarten; Tee ball, or PeeWee football; middle school, high school, etc. -- because he had watched, from up close, his brother going through every event. And he knew, going in, what to expect when it was his turn.
Anyway, his mother and I knew, from the first summer we saw him play club lacrosse, that he would be good enough to play in college if everything played out normally. As a 12 year-old going to tournaments, we knew the kids he was playing with and against were going to be the ones who would be playing college in a few years. So when we saw him keeping up with them, and even excelling, we knew that as long as he grew normally, didn't suffer any catastrophic injuries, and didn't somehow lose his love for the game, he could play beyond high school.
He was always a key player on his club teams, and he performed well at whatever Prospect Days and showcases we took him to. But he was never big for his age, or super fast. And as such, he was never the kind of kid who jumped out at you the instant you watched a game. He was always more of a smart player who did a bunch of little things that helped the team, but might go unnoticed by the casual observer. He kind of needed to be seen over time to be appreciated.
We did all the things we were supposed to -- identifying schools we thought he might be interested in, and emailing those coaches early in his high school career, to get him on their radar. He went to those schools' Prospect Days. But the one coach who genuinely seemed interested in learning about him early ended up leaving the school suddenly -- for reasons we never found out. The new coach at that school was polite, but never seemed truly interested. And neither, it turned out, were the coaches at other schools we targeted.
What we came to realize, almost too late, was that the whole thing is a lot harder if your child has a specialty major, one that isn't offered at every school. He would have had lots of options if he intended to major in Liberal Arts or Business, probably. Engineering, though, turned out to be trickier. It seemed the schools that liked him as a player didn't offer his major; and the schools that did offer his major had their pick of a lot of kids, just like him. For them, it was a supply-and-demand thing.
A couple months ago, I ran into the dad of one of his classmates who had discovered the same problem we had. His son was a baseball player who, like my son, wanted to study engineering. But despite being a good player on high-level club teams that went to top-end showcase tournaments, and despite performing well to all these big-time individual showcase events, finding a place where he could get the education he wanted, and play baseball, was proving difficult.
A few weeks ago I ran into the dad's son. He said he had zeroed in on an excellent school a few hours away, but when he realized there were going to be eight players at his position (he's a catcher) he gave up the chase. His plan now is to go to a big school, and maybe play club baseball there.
My son was luckier. In chatting with the father of one of his club teammates at the last tournament this summer, I learned that father had gone to a well-respected engineering school nearby that hadn't been on my son's original list. Part of the reason we didn't consider it was that it was a Division II school, and we had been focusing more on the Division III level. Anyway, my son sent them a highlight video from the summer and they liked it and responded immediately. We struck up a dialogue and, long story short, they turned out to be very interested and ultimately offered him a spot on their team.
So all's well that ends well. It for sure ended well for him. But it certainly wasn't easy.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Youth coaches: Do your best to keep the kids in the game
My wife and I like to joke with people that we must be the only two parents in America who actually want their kid to play football, even if he doesn't want to.
These days, participation in youth and high school football is down, in large part because parents -- rightfully -- are concerned with the relatively high risk of injury for football players, especially the risk of concussions. Now, the reason my wife and I are OK with our kids playing football is not because we aren't concerned with our kids' health and safety; it's just that we both believe that the rewards of playing football -- the life lessons the game teaches, the friendships the kids make, and the fun they have -- are greater for most than the risk of injury.
Our three sons all played youth football, and our middle son still plays in high school. He's about to start senior year and plays both offense and defense for our high school team. Our youngest son is set to enter high school as a freshman, and, after not playing football for a few years, has toyed with the idea of possibly returning to the game in high school. He's brought it up a couple separate times, and debated the idea with himself. When he does, my wife and I, and his brother, all try to talk him into playing. So far, we've been unsuccessful.
Why is it so important to us that our son play football? It's not that we're such devotees of football; it's that we want to make sure that if he doesn't want to play anymore, it's for the right reasons. You see, when he made the decision to quit the game, it wasn't because he'd gotten hurt, or had somehow lost his love of the sport, or anything like that. No, it was a coach who drove him away.
He so loved football when he was younger, but when he got to the fifth grade, he had a coach who was simply consumed by winning. If this guy didn't think a kid could help him win, then that kid meant nothing to him. Our son was moderately athletic, but small, with probably only average speed. He was never going to play in the "A" games, but he didn't play in the "B" games, either. Worse, the coach was so focused on winning that he devoted all his practice time to the kids who played the most in the games. That meant the kids who weren't going to play in the games didn't even get to practice. They just stood around and watched every night. Mental reps, they call it in the NFL.
When you coach 10- and 11-year-olds, though, the job is different. You have to balance the desire to win with the need to keep kids engaged and to develop all their knowledge and skills, because kids all grow differently -- at different times, and different rates. And sometimes, the smallest kid in the sixth grade ends up being one of the bigger kids in the ninth grade. Oftentimes, the stars of the PeeWee team aren't stars in high school. And those kids who were smaller and weaker and who just played to be on the team and have fun end up being the best players on the varsity. When you're coaching at the youth level, winning should be a happy byproduct of good coaching and talent; it shouldn't be the thing that drives how a coach operates.
Our son has gotten along just fine without football over the last few years. He's given his heart to basketball, and the sport has been good to him. He's made wonderful friends and he's made himself into a very good basketball player. He's a good lacrosse player, too. And he's grown. He's not small anymore. The high school coach would love to have him, but it looks like he won't. If he doesn't, it'll be largely because of a youth coach who never understood the job.
These days, participation in youth and high school football is down, in large part because parents -- rightfully -- are concerned with the relatively high risk of injury for football players, especially the risk of concussions. Now, the reason my wife and I are OK with our kids playing football is not because we aren't concerned with our kids' health and safety; it's just that we both believe that the rewards of playing football -- the life lessons the game teaches, the friendships the kids make, and the fun they have -- are greater for most than the risk of injury.
Our three sons all played youth football, and our middle son still plays in high school. He's about to start senior year and plays both offense and defense for our high school team. Our youngest son is set to enter high school as a freshman, and, after not playing football for a few years, has toyed with the idea of possibly returning to the game in high school. He's brought it up a couple separate times, and debated the idea with himself. When he does, my wife and I, and his brother, all try to talk him into playing. So far, we've been unsuccessful.
Why is it so important to us that our son play football? It's not that we're such devotees of football; it's that we want to make sure that if he doesn't want to play anymore, it's for the right reasons. You see, when he made the decision to quit the game, it wasn't because he'd gotten hurt, or had somehow lost his love of the sport, or anything like that. No, it was a coach who drove him away.
He so loved football when he was younger, but when he got to the fifth grade, he had a coach who was simply consumed by winning. If this guy didn't think a kid could help him win, then that kid meant nothing to him. Our son was moderately athletic, but small, with probably only average speed. He was never going to play in the "A" games, but he didn't play in the "B" games, either. Worse, the coach was so focused on winning that he devoted all his practice time to the kids who played the most in the games. That meant the kids who weren't going to play in the games didn't even get to practice. They just stood around and watched every night. Mental reps, they call it in the NFL.
When you coach 10- and 11-year-olds, though, the job is different. You have to balance the desire to win with the need to keep kids engaged and to develop all their knowledge and skills, because kids all grow differently -- at different times, and different rates. And sometimes, the smallest kid in the sixth grade ends up being one of the bigger kids in the ninth grade. Oftentimes, the stars of the PeeWee team aren't stars in high school. And those kids who were smaller and weaker and who just played to be on the team and have fun end up being the best players on the varsity. When you're coaching at the youth level, winning should be a happy byproduct of good coaching and talent; it shouldn't be the thing that drives how a coach operates.
Our son has gotten along just fine without football over the last few years. He's given his heart to basketball, and the sport has been good to him. He's made wonderful friends and he's made himself into a very good basketball player. He's a good lacrosse player, too. And he's grown. He's not small anymore. The high school coach would love to have him, but it looks like he won't. If he doesn't, it'll be largely because of a youth coach who never understood the job.
Monday, October 15, 2018
Someday, the games will end. But if it's still fun, play on
Walking away from a sport you love can be hard, but it's something everyone will have to do at some point. The best case scenario is that you get to do it on your terms -- like after a Hall of Fame professional career, or after a National Championship, or something. But for the vast majority of us, the end of our athletic careers won't be nearly so romantic.
My son isn't ready to stop playing yet. He's in college now, and while he's having the time of his life reinventing himself away from home, making new friends, and enjoying all types of new experiences, he just doesn't want to let go of playing organized sport right now. So, last weekend, he tried out for the college's club lacrosse team.
To be honest, my wife and I weren't happy he did that.
He was never a good athlete, which kind of broke our hearts, because he so badly wanted to be. And what made it even more poignant was that his younger brother turned out to be a really good athlete -- the kind of kid who could play any sport he wanted, and be a star in all of them.
Sports were never so kind to our oldest son, though.
It wasn't all bad, to be fair. He had one coach in junior football who took a liking to him and went out of his way to make certain he had a good experience. But in the years he played for other coaches, it wasn't so good, and finally, after he had the worst year of his life as a member of the high school's freshman football team, he gave up the sport and switched to rec soccer, which he liked a lot.
Sports were never so kind to our oldest son, though.
It wasn't all bad, to be fair. He had one coach in junior football who took a liking to him and went out of his way to make certain he had a good experience. But in the years he played for other coaches, it wasn't so good, and finally, after he had the worst year of his life as a member of the high school's freshman football team, he gave up the sport and switched to rec soccer, which he liked a lot.
Lacrosse was, overall, better to him than football. He played JV two years and varsity two years and while he didn't play as much as he probably expected to his senior year, he did get to play with his brother, and really seemed to get closer to him. He scored a couple goals on the season, the team did well, and he generally seemed at peace with how his high school career finished up.
To me, that seemed like a good way to go out. After all, only a few of his high school classmates are playing sports in college at the varsity or club level, so, if he doesn't play a sport in college, he'd be just like most people. And he'd have more time to explore all the things that college has to offer.
But he just wasn't done with sports yet. He loves being on a team, and he loves lacrosse. So the way he saw it, why not give this a shot, just like he's giving lots of other stuff a shot? He promised his mother that he'd be OK if he didn't make the team, and I suppose if he really will be OK with whatever happens, then we'll have to be OK with it, too.
Good and bad, sports have meant a lot to him over the years, and yes, eventually, someday he will have to stop playing. But if he can make a team, then that day doesn't have to be today.
To me, that seemed like a good way to go out. After all, only a few of his high school classmates are playing sports in college at the varsity or club level, so, if he doesn't play a sport in college, he'd be just like most people. And he'd have more time to explore all the things that college has to offer.
But he just wasn't done with sports yet. He loves being on a team, and he loves lacrosse. So the way he saw it, why not give this a shot, just like he's giving lots of other stuff a shot? He promised his mother that he'd be OK if he didn't make the team, and I suppose if he really will be OK with whatever happens, then we'll have to be OK with it, too.
Good and bad, sports have meant a lot to him over the years, and yes, eventually, someday he will have to stop playing. But if he can make a team, then that day doesn't have to be today.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Sometimes a backup role is the best way to help the team
The new high school football season is underway, and my son is playing on the varsity, which has won its first two games. That's the good news.
The bad news, for him, is he isn't playing as much as he had expected he would.
Since the team is winning, he can't complain. And he hasn't. My wife asked him a couple times if he's happy with how much playing time he's been getting, and he admitted he'd like to play more, but said he understands what's going on. I do too, and I view this as yet another life lesson that football teaches: Sometimes in sports -- and in life -- an individual is going to have to make sacrifices in order help the team.
I should point out that my son, a junior, has played roughly half of the defensive snaps over the first two games, so don't feel too sorry for him. He hasn't played yet on offense, though, and that is where the disappointment is. Our high school is a small school, and the best players usually play both offense and defense.
Sometimes it's different when you're a quarterback, however. In junior football one year, the coaches wouldn't let him play in the "A'' games because they didn't want to take a chance he might get hurt, and then they wouldn't have anyone to play quarterback in the "B'' games. Then, in the B games, they wouldn't let him play defense for the same reason.
This year, my son had hoped to play receiver, but because he played quarterback on the JV team last season, the coaches had him competing for the starting quarterback position rather than a starting receiver position. Ultimately, he didn't win the quarterback job (he was always a longshot), and by the time he finally got moved to receiver, the receiver rotation was set -- without him in it.
There's a chance that if he'd been playing receiver all summer, he'd be in the playing rotation now. But by playing quarterback -- and playing well enough to extend the competition the entire summer -- he pushed his competitor to lift his own game in order to earn the starting job. And because he played well enough to earn the coaches' confidence, it's given them the freedom to allow the starting quarterback to play defense, too, which makes the defense better, as well.
Of course, my son would prefer to be on the field. But in this case, his being a backup quarterback is still a significant contribution to the team. It's as the poet John Milton explained so perfectly with the last line of his poem, On His Blindness: "They also serve who only stand and wait.''
The bad news, for him, is he isn't playing as much as he had expected he would.
Since the team is winning, he can't complain. And he hasn't. My wife asked him a couple times if he's happy with how much playing time he's been getting, and he admitted he'd like to play more, but said he understands what's going on. I do too, and I view this as yet another life lesson that football teaches: Sometimes in sports -- and in life -- an individual is going to have to make sacrifices in order help the team.
I should point out that my son, a junior, has played roughly half of the defensive snaps over the first two games, so don't feel too sorry for him. He hasn't played yet on offense, though, and that is where the disappointment is. Our high school is a small school, and the best players usually play both offense and defense.
Sometimes it's different when you're a quarterback, however. In junior football one year, the coaches wouldn't let him play in the "A'' games because they didn't want to take a chance he might get hurt, and then they wouldn't have anyone to play quarterback in the "B'' games. Then, in the B games, they wouldn't let him play defense for the same reason.
This year, my son had hoped to play receiver, but because he played quarterback on the JV team last season, the coaches had him competing for the starting quarterback position rather than a starting receiver position. Ultimately, he didn't win the quarterback job (he was always a longshot), and by the time he finally got moved to receiver, the receiver rotation was set -- without him in it.
There's a chance that if he'd been playing receiver all summer, he'd be in the playing rotation now. But by playing quarterback -- and playing well enough to extend the competition the entire summer -- he pushed his competitor to lift his own game in order to earn the starting job. And because he played well enough to earn the coaches' confidence, it's given them the freedom to allow the starting quarterback to play defense, too, which makes the defense better, as well.
Of course, my son would prefer to be on the field. But in this case, his being a backup quarterback is still a significant contribution to the team. It's as the poet John Milton explained so perfectly with the last line of his poem, On His Blindness: "They also serve who only stand and wait.''
Friday, June 9, 2017
Things to consider when chasing that college scholarship
Summer lacrosse season starts this weekend.
For our oldest son, this is the beginning of an experience he longed to have, as it is the first time he's made a club team. We don't know how much he'll play, or how good his team will be, but being on a team, meeting kids from different towns, traveling on the weekends to tournaments, eating snacks under the tents between games, and just playing lacrosse and having fun is something we think he'll enjoy.
Our middle son has played club lacrosse the past three summers. He's enjoyed it immensely and made many friends, but he's also proven to himself -- and to my wife and I -- that he's a good enough player to realistically aspire to play the sport in college. So for him, this weekend has a different meaning. He's playing for a higher-level club which is taking him to college showcases and higher-end tournaments, and this weekend is the first step, really, in getting on the radar of college coaches and entering the recruiting scene.
But getting on the recruiting scene doesn't just start and end with going to the "right'' high school or getting on the "right'' club. In speaking to friends with older children who have gone through the whole process before, we've learned there are things you can and should do to help put your kids into the process.
The first thing is to make sure your kids understand that getting an opportunity to play sports in college starts with working hard in the classroom. Schools have a limited number of athletic scholarships, and -- football and basketball aside -- many schools choose to break their athletic scholarships up into partial scholarships, in order to be able to give at least some scholarship money to more recruits. So a recruit with excellent grades can supplement a partial athletic scholarship by getting academic money.
For our oldest son, this is the beginning of an experience he longed to have, as it is the first time he's made a club team. We don't know how much he'll play, or how good his team will be, but being on a team, meeting kids from different towns, traveling on the weekends to tournaments, eating snacks under the tents between games, and just playing lacrosse and having fun is something we think he'll enjoy.
Our middle son has played club lacrosse the past three summers. He's enjoyed it immensely and made many friends, but he's also proven to himself -- and to my wife and I -- that he's a good enough player to realistically aspire to play the sport in college. So for him, this weekend has a different meaning. He's playing for a higher-level club which is taking him to college showcases and higher-end tournaments, and this weekend is the first step, really, in getting on the radar of college coaches and entering the recruiting scene.
But getting on the recruiting scene doesn't just start and end with going to the "right'' high school or getting on the "right'' club. In speaking to friends with older children who have gone through the whole process before, we've learned there are things you can and should do to help put your kids into the process.
The first thing is to make sure your kids understand that getting an opportunity to play sports in college starts with working hard in the classroom. Schools have a limited number of athletic scholarships, and -- football and basketball aside -- many schools choose to break their athletic scholarships up into partial scholarships, in order to be able to give at least some scholarship money to more recruits. So a recruit with excellent grades can supplement a partial athletic scholarship by getting academic money.
That's how it worked for the daughter of a former co-worker of mine, who got a quarter of an athletic scholarship and a half of an academic scholarship to play softball at a Division 1 university. The academic scholarship, my co-worker said, was better than the athletic scholarship, because that was for all four years, assuming she maintained a certain academic standard. An athletic scholarship is renewable year-to-year and can be taken away for any number of reasons -- like an injury, or a coaching change, or something.
And of course, your son or daughter may be interested in playing at a Division 3 school, which can't offer athletic scholarships. They can offer academic scholarships, however.
The next step in the recruiting process, according to our veteran friends, is to figure out what kind of school your child is most likely to be interested in and putting a list of potential schools together. Then you visit the websites of those schools and if they have some kind of prospective student athlete questionnaire (most do) your child should fill that out. You can also email the coach to see if there's any kind of camp or Prospect Day your child could attend at the school.
I emailed a few coaches about our son and one got back to me, asking for a high school transcript and a highlight video. The transcript was easy enough, but since our son had only played JV lacrosse, I didn't have any film of him. So I asked the varsity coach if I could borrow the team's video camera to record the last JV game. He agreed. And this weekend, I'm borrowing the camera again to shoot more video, of him playing with his club team. My son will figure out how to cut the video up and make his own highlight tape.
So there are things you can do to help your child get on track to play a college sport. As with everything, though, be aware that there is an entire recruiting industry and there are people looking to make a living by helping you navigate the process. Talk to your high school and/or club coach to get help in figuring out what steps you need to take and what traps you should avoid.
And of course, your son or daughter may be interested in playing at a Division 3 school, which can't offer athletic scholarships. They can offer academic scholarships, however.
The next step in the recruiting process, according to our veteran friends, is to figure out what kind of school your child is most likely to be interested in and putting a list of potential schools together. Then you visit the websites of those schools and if they have some kind of prospective student athlete questionnaire (most do) your child should fill that out. You can also email the coach to see if there's any kind of camp or Prospect Day your child could attend at the school.
I emailed a few coaches about our son and one got back to me, asking for a high school transcript and a highlight video. The transcript was easy enough, but since our son had only played JV lacrosse, I didn't have any film of him. So I asked the varsity coach if I could borrow the team's video camera to record the last JV game. He agreed. And this weekend, I'm borrowing the camera again to shoot more video, of him playing with his club team. My son will figure out how to cut the video up and make his own highlight tape.
So there are things you can do to help your child get on track to play a college sport. As with everything, though, be aware that there is an entire recruiting industry and there are people looking to make a living by helping you navigate the process. Talk to your high school and/or club coach to get help in figuring out what steps you need to take and what traps you should avoid.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The going gets tough sometimes. Don't be so quick to quit the team
They say a winner never quits, and a quitter never wins. But my general philosophy on life is that very few things are absolute, and so I try to stay away from words like "never'' and "always.''
Sometimes, we find ourselves in a bad situation, and from a moral, practical, safety or mental health perspective, walking away is absolutely the right decision. A handful of boys quit the high school lacrosse team this season, for various reasons -- ranging from an understanding they weren't good enough to earn the playing time they desired, to a realization that they had other commitments that were more important to them than playing lacrosse.
One boy who quit though, surprised almost everyone because he was was a good player, and contributed much to the team. Most of his teammates couldn't figure out why he left, but presumably it had something to do with the fact he wasn't playing as much as he thought he should. And if he really was so unhappy on the team, then no one should be mad at him for quitting, because the whole point of playing sports is to have fun.
But there's a difference between being truly miserable every day and being unhappy at a particular moment. In sports, the seasons are relatively short. They move fast, and are filled with ups and downs. You have to learn to navigate those, and work through them, appreciating the up periods and finding a way to overcome the down periods. That's one of those life lessons you get from sports -- if you stick with it, when it's all over, you'll actually appreciate going through those ups and downs, and your ultimate success will mean so much more.
Not everything is going to go your way all the time -- in sports, or in life. Sometimes you're going to have to fight your way through tough times, and sometimes, you're going to have to accept defeat, learn from it, start over again, work harder, and be better. Yes, sometimes it makes sense to quit, but if you quit too easily, you'll never learn how to deal with adversity, and that's a tool you'll need to have later in life.
The boy in question had started at another high school before transferring into our school after a couple years. He played two sports and when he initially came to our school, he quit one, apparently because he didn't make the varsity team. He did return to that sport for senior year and had a fine season. This lacrosse season, he was tested at his position by a freshman and apparently didn't appreciate sharing time.
The thing is, he was playing well, and if he'd stuck around, there was a chance he might have eventually taken over the job full time. He chose not to wait to give himself a chance to make that happen.
And that's the shame of it. I'm sure he doesn't see it this way, but I think his quitting probably will end up hurting him more than it did the team. After the initial shock, the team adjusted to his departure and moved on. The freshman he had been sharing time with began to grow into the position and the team settled and went on a winning streak. The boy who left gave up a chance to be a part of a winning team where he could have had some fun and created some lifelong memories. Instead, years from now, his old teammates might forget he even played.
Maybe his pride was hurt. But if pride and ego convinced him to bail out of a situation at the first sign of trouble, then I wonder what will happen next time this kid comes up against a problem or a hiccup in his life.
Will he have the ability to overcome it? Or will he just keep quitting?
Sometimes, we find ourselves in a bad situation, and from a moral, practical, safety or mental health perspective, walking away is absolutely the right decision. A handful of boys quit the high school lacrosse team this season, for various reasons -- ranging from an understanding they weren't good enough to earn the playing time they desired, to a realization that they had other commitments that were more important to them than playing lacrosse.
One boy who quit though, surprised almost everyone because he was was a good player, and contributed much to the team. Most of his teammates couldn't figure out why he left, but presumably it had something to do with the fact he wasn't playing as much as he thought he should. And if he really was so unhappy on the team, then no one should be mad at him for quitting, because the whole point of playing sports is to have fun.
But there's a difference between being truly miserable every day and being unhappy at a particular moment. In sports, the seasons are relatively short. They move fast, and are filled with ups and downs. You have to learn to navigate those, and work through them, appreciating the up periods and finding a way to overcome the down periods. That's one of those life lessons you get from sports -- if you stick with it, when it's all over, you'll actually appreciate going through those ups and downs, and your ultimate success will mean so much more.
Not everything is going to go your way all the time -- in sports, or in life. Sometimes you're going to have to fight your way through tough times, and sometimes, you're going to have to accept defeat, learn from it, start over again, work harder, and be better. Yes, sometimes it makes sense to quit, but if you quit too easily, you'll never learn how to deal with adversity, and that's a tool you'll need to have later in life.
The boy in question had started at another high school before transferring into our school after a couple years. He played two sports and when he initially came to our school, he quit one, apparently because he didn't make the varsity team. He did return to that sport for senior year and had a fine season. This lacrosse season, he was tested at his position by a freshman and apparently didn't appreciate sharing time.
The thing is, he was playing well, and if he'd stuck around, there was a chance he might have eventually taken over the job full time. He chose not to wait to give himself a chance to make that happen.
And that's the shame of it. I'm sure he doesn't see it this way, but I think his quitting probably will end up hurting him more than it did the team. After the initial shock, the team adjusted to his departure and moved on. The freshman he had been sharing time with began to grow into the position and the team settled and went on a winning streak. The boy who left gave up a chance to be a part of a winning team where he could have had some fun and created some lifelong memories. Instead, years from now, his old teammates might forget he even played.
Maybe his pride was hurt. But if pride and ego convinced him to bail out of a situation at the first sign of trouble, then I wonder what will happen next time this kid comes up against a problem or a hiccup in his life.
Will he have the ability to overcome it? Or will he just keep quitting?
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